“In modern life, we are encouraged to listen to our hearts, listen to our inner voices, and listen to our guts, but rarely are we encouraged to listen carefully and with intent to other people…Online and in person, it’s all about defining yourself, shaping the narrative, and staying on message.”
I’m Mark Martin with "Martin’s Must Reads" and Kate Murphy in her book You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why it Matters lays out a fundamental problem in our world today: we don’t listen and what that means for our society today.
Barriers to listening, most of which are self-imposed, include: listening only so long as to figure out what we are going to say, expectancy bias—the bias that we listen to only those we already agree with, instantaneous judgements we make about people and the ever present goliath called social media. These all serve to impede our listening to connect and understand others and contribute to the extreme polarization in our society today. Sides simply don’t listen to each other, nor do they even wish to.
Intent listening to another person is hard work, but it is a gift we can give to others. Today more than ever people are craving someone to simply listen to them. When we deeply listen to others our relationships—with our friends, spouse, co-workers, even the person we disagree with, get better. In our COVID world of disconnection, listening is the one thing needed to restore community to our society. Not only is listening a gift to other people but, when we truly listen, it is a gift we give ourselves.
Kate Murphy’s book You’re Not Listening is a timely commentary and solution to our troubled society today.
