Panel Questions

Oct 19, 2019
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Chioke I'Anson. And here's your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Peter Sagal.

SAGAL: Thank you, Chioke.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you, everybody.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We have been making too much radio lately, so we're taking the week off so we can play some of that surplus. It's taking up too much room at headquarters.

CHIOKE I'ANSON: Yeah. Steve Inskeep has been very clear. Nobody can put anything else in his man cave.

SAGAL: So let's listen to some stuff we've done that you've never heard before.

All right. Here's your next limerick.

BILL KURTIS: This avian trend is absurd. By Hitchcock, this flock has been spurred. They dive bomb for fun while I'm out on a run. I have just been attacked by a...

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #1: Bird.

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #2: Bird.

SAGAL: Bird. I'm sorry. You didn't say it. They did. And I got confused.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #3: Amazing.

SAGAL: That has never...

(LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: You've won a point for Peter.

SAGAL: I feel so good. You - you said it. I heard someone say it. I was like, oh, she has the right answer. And it's not them. It's you. I mean, it's not you. It's them. My God, what have I done.

ROCCA: Well, let's ask her again.

SAGAL: I'm going to ask you again.

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #4: I'll take it. I'll take it.

SAGAL: All right. Say it again.

UNIDENTIFIED AUDIENCE: Bird.

SAGAL: Not you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You've already caused too much trouble. I don't want to hear another word from you people.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Adam, after facing scores of confused and disappointed customers in recent months, the Bible seller Christian Book Distributors in Canada has announced it will no longer go by what acronym?

ADAM FELBER: Could you read that question again?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Sorry. You missed it. No, the company is called Christian Book Distributors, longstanding business in Canada.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: I would guess it would be CBD...

SAGAL: That's exactly right.

FELBER: ...Because of the cannaboid oils.

SAGAL: Exactly. So you need to chill. You're a little anxious. You see there's a website called cbd.com. Perfect. That's CBD oil from pot. You've heard that's just the thing...

FELBER: Dude, let's do some Leviticus.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So everybody - CBD, everybody says it'll solve whatever problem you have. So you click the link. And, Jesus Christ, what is this?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Christian Book Distributors has been selling Bibles and other Christian literature for 40 years under that name cbd.com. Well, not dot com for all 40 years, but you understand. But about a year ago, they started getting flooded with people looking for edibles and tinctures or just wanting to point out, you know, what's a weird word? Smoked.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah, there's really no better friend to stoners than Jesus. Guy just walks around in sandals turning bread into more bread.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Gold, frankincense and...

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #5: And CBD.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Adam, a woman visiting Louisiana found herself in quite the pickle this week when she got trapped under what?

FELBER: An overwhelming sense of obligation.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Happens to us all.

FELBER: I have no idea.

SAGAL: Fortunately for her, it wasn't the two-hump kind.

FELBER: Oh, I know this story. Oh, I just didn't know the Louisiana part. See, if it was Florida, I would have gotten it straightaway. She got trapped under a camel.

SAGAL: That's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

FELBER: And you want to...

SAGAL: You can if you want.

FELBER: Well, and then she extracted herself by biting a part of the camel.

SAGAL: Yes.

FELBER: Which - not the humps you're thinking of.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: The other ones, the lower, the southern humps.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A woman and her husband on a road trip stopped at this truck stop in Louisiana. And they went over to take a look at the camel they keep there for people to see. Naturally they threw some dog treats to the camel. Camel didn't care for them. But, again, naturally their dog ran under the fence to get the treats. So naturally the woman climbed over the fence to save the dog, which the camel didn't like. So naturally it sat on her.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So there she is. She's trapped under a camel. It's very heavy animal. What to do? Well, to quote the woman, "I bit his testicles to get him off me."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And it worked.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Gives you a picture of what part of her he was sitting on.

SAGAL: Yeah, it does. Yes, you get a sense. So anyway, deputies arrested the couple for trespassing, saying, quote, "The camel did nothing wrong," unquote. And by the way, the couple was, of course, from Florida.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Maz, a treasured memory of our youth is apparently no longer just for younger people. More and more adults are participating in what?

MAZ JOBRANI: Oh, wow. More and more adults are participating a treasured memory of our youth eating Jell-O?

SAGAL: No, no.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Is it a game?

SAGAL: It's actually a time when you can play games, among other things.

JOBRANI: A time when you - a recess.

SAGAL: That's exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

JOBRANI: I love this.

SAGAL: Welcome to the wonderful world of adult recess. Cities across the country are putting on adult recesses to help older people pretend to reclaim their youth in which grown-ups play classic recess games, like kickball, tether ball and dodgeball, which are just as fun, fun and traumatizing respectively...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...As they were when you were a kid.

JOBRANI: Well, the problem here is as we get older, I'm sure you are familiar - I'm 47 - and the injuries just - I'm not made for recess, you know? I...

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: I - the other day - I'm not kidding - I hurt my knee sleeping.

(LAUGHING)

JOBRANI: I swear to God. And I wasn't even running in my dream.

(LAUGHING)

SAGAL: So you're just lying there perfectly still on a bed. And you were like, ow.

JOBRANI: No, I - it didn't - no, I woke up in the morning, and I was like - I go, what happened? Like, what did I do? Like, I don't know. I have no idea how it happened, but then I had a knee injury. So what I'm trying to say is recess for adults is a bad idea.

SAGAL: It's possible.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Isn't recess for adults just happy hour?

SAGAL: Could be, yeah.

JOBRANI: It seems like we already have it.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.